the clock in my room shows 3:00 am. and here i am again blogging. as usual, i cant sleep. recently, ive been staying up late, be it to watch live football matches on tv or just cant sleep. Sometimes i think i sleep too much during the day and that is why i have alot of trouble catching some sleep at night.
Boredom has never been this bad before.its the worst kind of boredom ive ever experienced. i really hope it'll go away soon. and for that to go away, i have to find a job. its not that i did not go out to seek for jobs, but its hard to find jobs now. its because of NS and they cant offer me that contract. think ive mentioned this at my previous entry. well, aniwaes, i really hope the letter from the police force will come soon so that i could be enlisted for the police. i'll be really happy if i get into the police. i have always wanted to be a police officer since i was a kid. when i was a kid, i will always play act and become a police officer. maybe it just runs in the blood. my dad is in the traffic police, my grandfather was a police officer too, my aunt is a police officer and the list goes on. i think i will join the long list of the history of the family becoming a police officer.
when i looked back at my schooling days, sometimes the feeling of regret is there. i was brilliant during the kindergarten days. scoring high marks every time. i was always among the top three in the class. then, the first two years of primary school was still a good one for me. it was during primary 3 that my grades started to go down. its mainly due to the group of frens i always hang out wif. not that i blame them. but if only i knew how to prioritise, maybe i would have done well in my PSLE examinations. when i scored an average score for my PSLE, it amazed me that it doesnt affected me for long. i knew i disappoint my parents, but i moved on quickly. So, off i went to secondary school. i was in the express stream and was stucked at Junyuan Sec for 4 years. i must say it was a very tough journey. its a totally different kind of situation. new things comes in. smoking, girls, relationships,gangs,conflicts,etc. everything is there. u just have to be both mentally and physically strong to go thru it. i wasnt the best of students during my stay at junyuan sec. i scored low grades and still it didnt wake me up. i was more interested in relationships and wasting time. true enuff, i didnt do well for my O levels. it was the second time i screwed up and disappointed my parents. That failure finally had an impact on me. i was fortunate, god made me realise the importance of education.
Ive completed my two years of ITE education at college east simei. ITE life has taught me alot of things. i get to see different kind of people. i see some who is much much older than me still studying. it really made me sit down and think. what if that were to happen to me one day. it made me realised more. im very relieved i didnt screw up for the third time. i passed every exams and finally i get to feel the happiness of getting good grades. its all worth it. the sacrifices of time u made for projects and studying. If only i realised it earlier. as the saying goes, ''time and tide waits for no man".. you cant possibly go back. you can never undo what you did in the past, but you can instead mould your future. im really fortunate to have parents and siblings who never gave up on me. they stuck with me thru thick and thin. its only right that i do my part now in giving it back to them. and frens too. the frens who never fail to give me advices and motivation. i dunnoe what i will be now if they were to give up on me long time ago. maybe i'll turn to stupid things.
Some things just makes you wonder. What if i wasnt what i am in the past.....