my heart beats your name

stories to be told

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Sunday, April 29, 2007 @ 10:38 PM

hrmm.. so much has been through my mind this past few hrs. it got me thinking.

Platonic Friendship. Hrmm, big word indeed. Well, yesterday.. i had a long chat with my best buddy Liyana. Something we had not been able to do for such a long time. Mainly because of clashes of schedules. I really miss talking to her. the constant disturbing and making fun of each other is still there. it was a nice thing. She complained about me not sms-ing her regularly and during chatting sessions, i was being too harsh on her. (well babe, i was just kidding) Ok well, the reason why i didnt sms her much more than i used to was because of the fact that she's attached now. i just didnt want unnecessary misunderstanding to happen between herself and her bf. but i guess, different people react to a situation differently. I think her bf is not keen about her having a guy as her best buddy. even tho i find it pretty lame, but i think i understand him. Any guy will feel insecure, knowing that his girl's best buddy is a guy. There were alot of times when i wanted to ask her out, just to chill out and catch up on things. But i did not follow up on the idea, because something just stops me. i really miss hanging out with her. the last time we met was back in december. yeah. that long. hmm, well, im actually caught in the middle right now. At one side, i really wanna enjoy my time wif my best buddy and have fun and on the other side, i dun want her guy to think that im taking advantage of the situation. its kinda hard.

Is this what platonic friendship is all about? Does friendship only restricts relationships between the same gender? Cant you have a best friend- whom you'll share all your happiness, your sadness and interests and she's a girl?

Some things just got me thinking. And for some things, you just wont have any answers to it.
And to top it all of, some things are better left unsaid.........

2:05 PM

the times in aceh.. flashbacks

Saturday, April 28, 2007 @ 12:23 AM

I wish upon a star
that no matter how far apart you are
you are close in my heart.

I wish upon a star
that no matter how long its gonna take for you
to know how strong this feeling is for you,
You'll understand one day.

I wish upon a star
that god will give me the opportunity
to let you know,
How much i feel for you.

I wish upon a star
that if one day my time is up
and i am never able to see you again,
You'll know how strong my love is for you

Friday, April 27, 2007 @ 2:55 AM

the clock in my room shows 3:00 am. and here i am again blogging. as usual, i cant sleep. recently, ive been staying up late, be it to watch live football matches on tv or just cant sleep. Sometimes i think i sleep too much during the day and that is why i have alot of trouble catching some sleep at night.

Boredom has never been this bad before.its the worst kind of boredom ive ever experienced. i really hope it'll go away soon. and for that to go away, i have to find a job. its not that i did not go out to seek for jobs, but its hard to find jobs now. its because of NS and they cant offer me that contract. think ive mentioned this at my previous entry. well, aniwaes, i really hope the letter from the police force will come soon so that i could be enlisted for the police. i'll be really happy if i get into the police. i have always wanted to be a police officer since i was a kid. when i was a kid, i will always play act and become a police officer. maybe it just runs in the blood. my dad is in the traffic police, my grandfather was a police officer too, my aunt is a police officer and the list goes on. i think i will join the long list of the history of the family becoming a police officer.

when i looked back at my schooling days, sometimes the feeling of regret is there. i was brilliant during the kindergarten days. scoring high marks every time. i was always among the top three in the class. then, the first two years of primary school was still a good one for me. it was during primary 3 that my grades started to go down. its mainly due to the group of frens i always hang out wif. not that i blame them. but if only i knew how to prioritise, maybe i would have done well in my PSLE examinations. when i scored an average score for my PSLE, it amazed me that it doesnt affected me for long. i knew i disappoint my parents, but i moved on quickly. So, off i went to secondary school. i was in the express stream and was stucked at Junyuan Sec for 4 years. i must say it was a very tough journey. its a totally different kind of situation. new things comes in. smoking, girls, relationships,gangs,conflicts,etc. everything is there. u just have to be both mentally and physically strong to go thru it. i wasnt the best of students during my stay at junyuan sec. i scored low grades and still it didnt wake me up. i was more interested in relationships and wasting time. true enuff, i didnt do well for my O levels. it was the second time i screwed up and disappointed my parents. That failure finally had an impact on me. i was fortunate, god made me realise the importance of education.

Ive completed my two years of ITE education at college east simei. ITE life has taught me alot of things. i get to see different kind of people. i see some who is much much older than me still studying. it really made me sit down and think. what if that were to happen to me one day. it made me realised more. im very relieved i didnt screw up for the third time. i passed every exams and finally i get to feel the happiness of getting good grades. its all worth it. the sacrifices of time u made for projects and studying. If only i realised it earlier. as the saying goes, ''time and tide waits for no man".. you cant possibly go back. you can never undo what you did in the past, but you can instead mould your future. im really fortunate to have parents and siblings who never gave up on me. they stuck with me thru thick and thin. its only right that i do my part now in giving it back to them. and frens too. the frens who never fail to give me advices and motivation. i dunnoe what i will be now if they were to give up on me long time ago. maybe i'll turn to stupid things.

Some things just makes you wonder. What if i wasnt what i am in the past.....

Thursday, April 26, 2007 @ 12:00 AM

Have you seen him?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007 @ 3:16 PM

what hurts the most- video

Monday, April 23, 2007 @ 9:25 PM

i stood in front of your grave,
with endless flowing of tears.
with red roses,
which has always been your darling.
i never realised time was not on our side.

when i look at the pictures
it brought me back to the old times.
the time when i first met you.
the exquisite smile on your face
and the alluring eyes.
the feelings came
and it happens naturally

the frequent dates i had with you
was always special
filled with exhilaration
and elation.
you never fail to surprise me
and make me feel elated.

you were always there for me
through thick and thin
during my darkest hours
and darkest moments.
we shared together
the happiness
we have always longed for.

not having you by my side,
is the last thing on my mind.
your absence was hard
it hit me hard.

if i had a chance
i really wanna tell you
how much i really love you.....

Sunday, April 22, 2007 @ 11:52 PM

i really wanna play rugby again. i miss the sport. Getting into those nasty tackles, cuts, bruises, broken bones, fights, kicking on the face. its all in the game. i miss all those things about rugby. it just makes you want more. when you get into those tackles, u just wanna give em back to your opponents. you wont really mind about the cuts, blood and all. well, pain is temporary..glory is forever. ;)

oh well. maybe you guys will wonder why in the world that im kinda emo nowadays. hehs. well, to be honest, i kinda like writing poetry. it gives me the opportunity to share my feelings and experience through a different way. i rather write poetry than go straight at it coz its nicer that way and i wont hurt anyone in the process. =) Love poetry is what i do best. it doesnt necessary has to be in relation to what im going through. sometimes, i write about what i see around me. and on the topic of love, there's alot of breakdown to the meaning of love. doesnt mean just about love between a guy and a girl. right? ;) I used to keep one whole book of poetry. but i wasnt sure whether it's lost or i gave it away. if i did give it away, i tink it has already been thrown away. such a waste uh? well, i thought i could share it with someone else. but when things didnt turn out well, everything is thrown away..

hmm..well, still thinking about what to write for my next poetry. no ideas for now. care to share any ideas which i can consider? well, sometimes when you have lots and lots of ideas and you really wanna write it, you dont have the luxury of time. and when you do, you already forget what you wanted to write. it happens to me all the time. :)

thts about it for today.. by the way, anyone already guessed who's that little girl i have always been mentioning in my blog? if you do, tag at my blog. we'll see who gets it right. go figure! those who gets it right, lunch is on me! no joke.hehs

Saturday, April 21, 2007 @ 11:11 PM

love is like the wind.
you can feel it..
but yet u cant see it.

you give me the jitters
when i see you.
and when we talk,
my heart beats fast.
i cant control it.

when i look into your eyes
i always see something.
something which i myself cant explain
a special feeling worth remembering

when i see you
i wanna touch you
i wanna hold you tight
and never let go

i wanna be that person
to cheer you up
when youre down
when youre sad
and even when youre happy
i wanna be that person
who'll put the smile on your face everytime
and everyday.
i wanna be that person
whom you'll look out for
at your darkest moments
and at your darkest hours
going through it together...

the feeling is just too strong
i cant fight it.
and i cant force it to go
i cant let it go.
even though you're far,
you're near in my heart.

A chance
thts all im asking for
to prove to you
that everything is true

Superman

Wednesday, April 18, 2007 @ 2:11 PM

why i love you

I've never seen you
Or touched your skin
I've never felt your lips
Or held you tight
But I know I love you

Not because of the way you look
Or because of that voice
Not because of the things you say
But because of whom you are

When we meet I will kiss you
And hold you all night

I love everything about you
Because it's you

just for that little girl

Tuesday, April 17, 2007 @ 10:59 PM

i never knew that boredom can be this bad. its even worst than after O levels. No school to look forward to, no jobs, no outings. my daily routine has been the same for the past few weeks. it really gets on my nerves sometimes. Tried looking for jobs but to no avail. i cant hold down a job now because of NS. And yea, i applied to be enlisted for the police force last night. i basically made up my mind to join the force. if my application is approved and i passed the rounds of interviews, i'll be a police officer. hehe. maybe im gonna take up part time studies too. i have a bad record of trying to juggle between work and studies. but i hope it works out this time.

if only i could turn back time. I would love to go through school once again. 2 years were soooo fast. it seems as though it passed with a blink of an eye. all the memories. classmates. conflicts. teachers nagging.cafe 1. chicken rice.western foods.teh peng.teh susu.haha.stupid jokes.pranks.not attending class.haha everything about ITE College East Simei is still fresh in my mind. one experience i will never ever forget. one of the best things that has ever happened in my life. i wonder how it will be like 10 years down the road. im sure we'll still laugh about it. lets hold a REUNION! hehs. oh well. 23rd may2007 is the day. GRADUATIONS!!

hey little girl. i miss you truckloads.the feelings are still the same.it never changed.it never will.nothing will change that.if only u knew.if only u understand.

Monday, April 16, 2007 @ 12:47 PM

Boredom strikes again! There will be no school for me from now till i dun noe when. Apparently, i cant get into the polytechnics this year. And now i have to make a decision which i wished was alot easier. I have to either go for my NS first, Wait for the next poly intake which is april next year or join the october intake this year..BUT not having to do the course of my choice. gosh! tough decision to make. there's both pros and cons to all the options. haish. my 2 buddies, hazmi and muz have already started their school term todae. how i wished i was there with them today. but i think there's a high chance i'll be doing the national service first. get it over and done with. oh well, i'll see how it goes then.

and to my bestest of the best buddy Liyana.. ure missed by Superman. hehs. So cute of you to give yourself a nickname.. Cookie Monsta!! hehs. i have something in mind when it comes to ur burfday. the cutest gothic chic ive ever met. =P

im stucked for now...........................................................................

Saturday, April 07, 2007 @ 11:10 PM

Results are simply superb. Finally, ive reached the 3.0 mark. my actual GPA is 3.109. Its an improvement from 2.6 to 2.7 den 2.9 and now 3.1. Hehes. Im so happy. Next up, aiming to get to that polytechnic. waiting for the appeal results. it never stop ey. after results, its waiting for school. geez. school will start in a week's time and im nt enrolled yet. i hope god will answer my prayers for the second time.

Moving on..... i just finished watching the movie ''A walk to remember''. Its a very sweet movie. I swear i love it. :) How i wished that kind of thing exist in the real world. In the world where hate, jealousy and hurt seems to be controlling mankind. asshole. Even tho his love eventually died at the end of the movie, i must say its alrite. at least he gotta spend each and every single day of his life wif her. And yar, she's just the kind of girl im looking for. perfect. simple, sweet and has that inner beauty. (orite anyone who reads this can laugh if u want. but if u dun agree to wat i sae, u just buzz off. ure a shame to humans.)

oh well. im really missing someone now. its been a while since we last met. . miss her truckloads.. My little girl...

Tuesday, April 03, 2007 @ 11:52 PM

Hoping for the best tomorrow.
really hope to get good results.
No matter how slim the chances are.
I knoe i will be able to get into that place.
Im gonna fight for the place.
Please help me dear god.
Only u can help me at this stage.
there's no one else i can turn to except u.

oh well, counting down the hours
to the release of the results..
the nervousness has reached boiling point.
oh geez.. i really hope it will turn out good.
i really need to redeem myself.
i wanna show pple, i can study
and get good results.
move on to a higher level.

4:30 AM

430 am

its 430 am in the morning.. and here i am still awake.. i dun noe why i cant sleep till this point in time.. i guess its the coffee i had at my grandma's earlier... oh well, i tink i'll be heading to bed soon.. i'll try and force myself to bed even for a couple more hrs..

Results is in 2 days time.. and seriously, im nervous..very nervous to be precise. i cant wait for it and at the same time, i dun want it to be revealed..haha. im afraid i dont do well and cant go on wif my studies in poly.. oh well, i guess i already hav to postpone my studies for the time being to serve the nation first. coz apparently, some pple in RP told me there's no more place left in that poly. which i feel is a load of rubbish. i think she's just plain lazy to give me the damn form to get into that place. nvm, when the results comes out, we'll see what happens..

well, im nt sure abt my plans for the whole mth of april.. im really broke nowadays.. i really haf no mood to go out.. oh gosh.. how i wish im in school rite now.. i miss ITE SIMEI!! hehs.

tis' the way